Liars' League

God Grant me the Serenity ... by Owen Booth

God Grant Me the Serenity

Read by Paul Clarke

My love affairs were starting to get out of hand. My love affairs, and my drinking. It was no way for a particle physicist to behave. There was nothing for it, they said, but to send me to the South Pole.

“For how long?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” they said.

Don’t worry about it? The South Pole?

“Think of it as a chance to... reassess,” they said.

 

Zwo by Alan Graham

Click to play ZWO MP3

Read by Silas Hawkins

“Eins Zwo’ Acht Acht Zwo Sechs.”

I can tell from the number that it’s Krond. I move the phone an inch from my ear before he bellows his reply.

“Earthman Thomas! Are you still willing to help me out tonight?”

“Of course, when I’ve finished in the office.  I know, I know, I did promise.”

“Yes. YES! Promise, Thomas. You need to meet me at six of the pm. This is an important promise, Thomas!"

Sunday Teeth by Tom Ryan

Click to play SUNDAY TEETH MP3

Read by Eileen Pollock

The teeth, dear. The Sunday teeth. That’s what’s wrong. That’s what gives me the trouble with my worgth, and makes me tet-thglk ... Tetchy. Better.

You won’t have noted, Ellie dear, that today being today I’ve forgone the everyday teeth, which, as the name might suggest to the non-simpletons among us, I wear every day, except for Sunday, when I wear the Sunday teeth, or go without. I don’t expect comprehension here, not from someone hiding behind the bureau, waiting to be enticed out with jelly babies. Jelly baby?

 

A Vindication of the Rights of Frankenstein's Creatures by Niall Boyce

Click here to play A VINDICATION ... MP3

Read by Cliff Chapman

I was one of the last. When the rebellion began, many fled the cities, thinking that in the countryside it would be possible to stay safe until the human regiments of the British army regained control. I had joined the refugees and hidden in an abandoned house some miles out of town. However, we were soon discovered and overrun by the creatures. I had barely escaped, and, after several days wandering miserably with no food or shelter, decided to return to take my chances in London. This was territory that I knew; and, if I was careful to conceal myself by day and forage by night, I might be safer in the back streets of the city than in the open air.

 

Sawdust by Vanessa Thompsett

Click to play SAWDUST MP3

Read by Louisa Gummer

I can remember Covent Garden when there was still some magic in it. Back when not every available space was filled with shops that seemed to be clones of each other, all trying to out-price, out-kitsch and out-cute their neighbours. I can remember where there were still shadows in Covent Garden and parts of it didn’t feel quite safe, quite rid of a hint of danger.

 

Tooth & Claw line-up for Tuesday 9th October!

We've put a brace of snarling stories in the ring and made them fight to the death, and the bloodied victors to be read at our Hallowe'en warm-up event TOOTH & CLAW on Tuesday 9th October have emerged!

We've got five tales with bite to fight for your approval, featuring a world run by the resurrected, an Arctic beast with a sense of humour, freaky puppets, deadly grandparents and monsters in Berlin.

STORIES CHOSEN
A Vindication of the Rights of Frankenstein's Creatures by Niall Boyce, read by Cliff Chapman
God Grant Me the Serenity by Owen Booth, read by Paul Clarke
Sawdust by Vanessa Thompsett *NEW AUTHOR*, read by Louisa Gummer
Sunday Teeth by Tom Ryan, read by Eileen Pollock
Zwo by Alan Graham *NEW AUTHOR*, read by Silas Hawkins

Crap your pants with terror for just a fiver - and don't forget that you can also win a selection of frighteningly good free books in our interval quiz, and bottles of wine are on special offer all night!

BOOKS TO WIN INCLUDE ...
The Greatcoat by Helen Dunmore: "the most elegant flesh-creeper since The Woman in Black"
The Manual of Darkness by Enrique de Heriz - A stage magician loses his sight and discovers a dark secret
The Granta Medicine Issue - including stories by Rose Tremain, Alice Munro, A.L. Kennedy & more!

DOORS AT 7PM - SHOW BEGINS AT 7.30. See you there!

As ever, tickets cost £5 on the door (cash only, no advance booking) and seating is unreserved - so it's a good idea to get there a bit ahead of time if you want a good table.

The venue is the downstairs bar at:
The Phoenix
37 Cavendish Square 
London 
W1G 0PP

(The Phoenix is a five-minute walk northwest from Oxford Circus tube station, which is on the Victoria, Bakerloo and Central lines)

Map here