Liars' League

The Domestic Struggles of Nigel, Karen & Rodney by Nicki Le Masurier

Click to play: Domestic Struggles

Read by Rhik Samadder & Gloria Sanders

From this angle she could be anyone. Face obscured by pillow and strands of sticky hair. The curve of her waist as it balloons out into her hips, a novice attempt at blown glass. I used to think she looked like a cello, but now it's slightly more double bass. Not that I’m moaning, no sir, not me. I like a bit of purchase. If I squint hard enough and I mean really squint she could even be Shakira. Bet Shakira wouldn't tut if I accidentally pinned her excess arm skin to the bed with my elbow. In fact, I bet Shakira doesn't have any excess arm skin so I imagine this probably wouldn't be an issue. And her hips don't lie. Although I'm fairly sure Karen's don't either. Unless there’s something she’s not telling me.

 

Monitor by Samuel Taradash

Feb 12 Monitor

Read by Ben Crystal

The baby monitor squeals and my hand jerks to find it, pulling me out of a dreamless, unsteady sleep. Before I know where I am or what’s going on, I’ve clutched the receiver to my head and I’m zeroed in on the source of the noise: May, my baby daughter, is crying in the dark. The sound rings in my head and down my spine; it cramps my stomach and makes my veins clench. She’s calling out because she’s scared or hurting. Something’s wrong and her daddy has to be there for her.

 

Student Union by James Holden

Feb 12 Student Union

Read by Greg Page

I caught sight of myself almost naked in the mirror earlier today. If I’m honest it was more of a deliberate peek. I’d just arrived at the hotel, you see, and thought I’d have a shower before I was due to be picked up. I didn’t like what I saw, though. My hair has started to recede, and I have acquired bags under my eyes that look large and almost droopy. My body is no longer supple, my chest hair is turning white and I seem to be developing breasts – what I think tonight’s audience would call “moobs” if I have the terminology correct.  Thin spindly legs emerge from old-man’s y-fronts.

 

Feathers by Liam Hogan

Feb 12 Feathers

Read by Lin Sagovsky

Two statues gaze at each other across the London skyline. One, perches high above a Victorian telephone exchange, now converted into Artists' studios, and is in the image of Mercury, the winged messenger. The other stands proud but unregarded atop the cupola of a Church, and represents either one of the nine Muses, or more probably Ariadne - the detailing is rather uncertain.

They gaze at each other with longing.

 

Extract from "The Whores' Asylum" by Katy Darby

Feb 12 Whores Asylum

Read by Camila Fiori

Diana, who runs a shelter in Oxford for fallen women, has confronted the villainous Lord Kester, who is trying to blackmail her – and been kidnapped for her trouble.

I woke in the dark, and knew at once that I was neither in my own bed back at the shelter, nor anywhere I had been to before. I was lying on my back on a wooden pallet, a cold, moist blackness pressing silence over me like a blanket. I was clothed still, for which I was thankful, and my dress was not greatly torn, nor was I injured, except for a thick throbbing ache at one side of my head, where I conjectured Kester must have struck me – whether to ensure my silence, or to vent his rage, I could not guess.

Now read on ...

 

Sign up for our Literary Blind Date on Valentine's Day!

February 14th, 2012. A date significant to lovers and singletons alike, not because of all that Valentine's nonsense, but because it marks the first Liars' League event of 2012, the lust-and-murder-drenched Kiss & Kill!

This month we're rocking Grange Hill, estranged fathers, statues in love, Russian soldiers, caged women, mad cads and voyeuristic cats. Get in!

Stories chosen:

STUDENT UNION by James Holden, read by Greg Page
MONITOR by Sam Taradash, read by Ben Crystal
Extract from THE WHORES' ASYLUM by Katy Darby, read by Camila Fiori
FEATHERS by Liam Hogan, read by Lin Sagovsky
KISS AND KILL by Steve Wasserman, read by Cliff Chapman
THE DOMESTIC STRUGGLES OF NIGEL, KAREN AND RODNEY by Nicki le Masurier, read by Gloria Sanders.

Now in our fifth year of doing what we do (writers write, actors read, you know the drill) and following a rather successful similar event in 2010, we at Liars' League thought we'd do another Literary Blind Date this year. Read on for instructions.

It's as simple as it could be: if you want to be set up with a fellow book-lover at our Valentine's Day Kiss & Kill event, just email your:

NAME
AGE
SEXUAL ORIENTATION and
FAVOURITE BOOK

to [email protected] by Sunday February 12th (the [email protected] address will also work, if that the one you usually use).

Our Bibliophile Cupids will then select a mate for you, based primarily on your book choice. Try and be as truthful as you can - no 'ironic" Dan Brown please, however funny it seems at the time - it won't help you pull :)

And if you're happily coupled-up, or indeed happily single, don't worry, normal service will continue to be provided on February 14th, with five fantastic pieces of new writing (including an exclusive extract from Liar Katy's debut novel, The Whores' Asylum) read before a lively crowd. You may just notice more pairs of people looking slightly nervous, yet hopeful, sitting around chatting before and after the show.