Liars' League

NEXT EVENT: Down & Out, Tue 10th June at The Phoenix

 

Nobody loves you when you're DOWN & OUT - except Liars' League and our talented troupe of actors, who get their kicks from reading the hell out of brand new fiction ... Join us on Tuesday 10th June at 7.30pm in The Phoenix's bustling basement bar, for tales of subway blackouts, boxing knockouts, teacher burnouts, Victorian gamblers on the skids & downright doppelgangers.

WINNING STORIES for DOWN & OUT

"The Replacement" by Neil James NEW AUTHOR, read by Oliver Yellop 
"War with Troy: Year 9, Period 4, Friday" by Brian Kelly, read by the author
"Power Restored" by John Istel, read by Dan Starkey
"The Other Holly Williams" by Hannah Noyce, read by Kim Scopes
"The Golden Hell" by Maria Kyle, read by Rose Biggin

In addition to these five fantastic stories we'll also be hosting our usual literary quiz, with free books to win, PLUS there's free sweets for all! Tickets are just £5: we do accept card payments on the door, but it's well worth buying your tickets in advance to ensure you get a table.

BUYING TICKETS: sadly our Donate button is currently broken, but if you have Paypal you can pay for tickets directly by sending the appropriate amount (£5 for 1 ticket, £10 for 2 etc.) to [email protected] 
(if you use Friends & Family we get to keep the 50p Paypal takes on small transfers, but it's totally up to you)

If you don't have Paypal just email the same address above to reserve your tickets, & you can pay on the door :) 

DOWN & OUT

POV: in the gutter, but looking at the stars

TUESDAY 10th JUNE

Tickets £5: 6.30pm doors, 7.30pm show

 

Downstairs at The Phoenix

37 Cavendish Square, London W1G 0PP 

(nearest tube Oxford Circus)

Twitter / YouTube / Facebook / Podcast

 

Liars' League

www.liarsleague.com

Writers write. Actors read. Audience listens. Everybody wins.

SHORTLISTED & LONGLISTED STORIES

 

We had many excellent stories submitted for this theme, & we're only sorry we can't read more of them! However, we will be reconsidering some of the submissions for other themes later in the year: click below to see which. Authors of shortlisted stories ONLY may also email [email protected] for brief feedback on their work.

Pearl Onions by Alex Edwards

Read by Dan Starkey (Final story in podcast, at 1h 35m 30s)

I never play golf. All that standing around with the chaps. The manly conversation. There’s nowhere to hide. A cad and bounder like myself is quickly discovered. Besides, it’s a skill game, where my natural advantages in speed and strength count for naught. It rewards patience and dedication: two attributes I lack.

Unfortunately, golf is rather the order of the day at Mandelieu, a little slice of England on the French Riviera. Luckily, they also have tennis, a game I vastly prefer. Don’t misunderstand me, I care nothing for tennis itself. But I do need a reason to be at Mandelieu, for my face to be seen by the right set, and they do serve excellent cocktails.

 

Pilgrim's Trail by Cecilia Maddison

Read by Rose Biggin (2nd story in podcast, at 21m 40s)

Mam warned me it would end badly. 

“He’s a violent man, Ciara,” she told me. “Look what happened to his wife. I don’t care how many years he’s been inside repenting, it’s only a matter of time before he raises his hand to you.”

I wouldn’t believe a word of it. “Michael’s changed,” I insisted. “He’s found God. He’d never harm a hair on my head.”

Now Mam’s lying dead at home with kitchen scissors roosting in her neck, and I don’t doubt that nosy social worker will have seen her body through the letterbox when no one answered the door this afternoon.

Everybody Wants London by Alix Owen

Read by Ray Newe (3rd story in podcast, at 37m 45s)

Before you know it, you’re ageing. 

And, in the confusion of it all, he’d let his toenails grow too long. He used to be, what, maybe good-looking? Now his skin was blotchy, dry, and he had dark crescents under his eyes. It seemed not that long ago he’d been a teenager, but he’d plucked a grey hair from his head just yesterday. His back ached. The heavy satchel that hung every day from work to home had lowered his shoulder. It was always so difficult to get a seat. He was on his feet all day. He’d lost weight, gained weight, his clothes never fit. They were scuffed, stretched. Fraying at the corners, there were loose threads. If you looked close enough, there were pale worn patches, soft spots, even buttons missing on second-hand designer items.

Certitude by Scott Tierney

Read by Silas Hawkins (1st story in podcast, at 1m 50s)

Three gunshots rang out across the night. None of us around the campfire flinched or looked up past the brims of our cutters. We didn't even slow our chewing.

The shots weren't anything unexpected. Pop-pop-pop, the signal we'd been waiting on. They told us that soon it'd be here – the Overnight Express. Brimmed, snorting, the glorious envoy of the big-shots. And to think – here! Here! In our crude and ungoverned wilderness! My, what a privilege! Right about now it was likely putting on a display of evolution for us Godfearing country folk, picking up a righteous head of steam. Like a rabbit running straight for the snare.

A Game of Musical Souls by Liam Hogan

Read by Tony Bell (5th story in podcast, at 1h 23m 50s)

Alex wasn't expecting any surprises when he cracked open the chest cavity of Francis Delegare - the final ‘e’ appended to the toe tag in green biro. He'd read the case notes: ninety-seven, keeled over in the street, suspected heart attack. But as he lifted the lungs onto a metal tray his Dictaphone commentary stumbled. Distractedly describing the old man’s calcified heart, his own pulse raced, and his attention was dragged away.

Francis Delegare’s soul was simply magnificent. Twice as large as those that usually passed through Alex’s jaded hands, and gleaming as only the best souls did, even this long after death. Alex felt a tug of envy, and of avarice. Twenty years ago he’d have got a sizeable sum for a soul this huge. That trade had been stamped out before his time as pathologist began. Though you still heard rumours ...

Brick by Brick by MJ Lee

Read by Nathan Unthank (4th story in podcast, at 1h 3min)

When I think of heaven, I imagine a vast room full of plastic bricks. Millions of them, shelves and drawers stretching to infinity; a rainbow library of possibility. Every element is there, every colour, shape, size and shade: tiles and baseplates, wedges and wheels, everything you need to make anything you could ever want. And all I have to do is build it.

Most kids never grow up to achieve their dreams: aspiring astronauts end up account-managers, dinosaur-hunters become driving-instructors, would-be YouTube superstars churn out unboxing videos sponsored by Poundland. But I’m lucky. All I ever wanted was to build Lego. And now I get to do it for a cash prize, on TV.

LATEST EVENT: Risk & Reward on Tuesday 8th April at The Phoenix NEXT EVENT: Down & Out, Tuesday 10th June

6.30pm (doors) for 7.30pm (show) at The Phoenix, 37 Cavendish Square W1G 0PP

 

Tickets £5: book here

 

This April we took a chance, placed our bets, & reaped the reward of five new risk-taking tales from our winning authors, featuring fugitive lovers, train heists, theft on the Riviera (1920s-style), London burnout & competitive Lego - PLUS an exclusive flash fiction from host Liam Hogan to celebrate the publication of his new story collection, A Short History of the Future. Want to relive the glory or see what you missed? Here's the YouTube playlist & the podcast, & the six winning stories are all here!

 

RISK & REWARD STORIES

 

"Pearl Onions" by Alex Edwards new author - read by Dan Starkey

"Pilgrim's Trail" by Cecilia Maddison new author - read by Rose Biggin

"Certitude" by Scott Tierney - read by Silas Hawkins 

"Everybody Wants London" by Alix Owen - read by Ray Newe

"Brick by Brick" by MJ Lee - read by Nathan Unthank

PLUS

"A Game of Musical Souls" by Liam Hogan - read by Tony Bell

(Longlisted in Writers' & Artists' Short Story Competition 2025)

 

6.30pm (doors) for 7.30pm (show) at The Phoenix, 37 Cavendish Square W1G 0PP

 

Tickets £5: book here

 

This April we took a chance, placed our bets, & reaped the reward of five new risk-taking tales from our winning authors, featuring fugitive lovers, train heists, theft on the Riviera (1920s-style), London burnout & competitive Lego - PLUS an exclusive flash fiction from host Liam Hogan to celebrate the publication of his new story collection, A Short History of the Future. Want to relive the glory or see what you missed? Here's the YouTube playlist & the podcast, & the six winning stories are all here!

 

RISK & REWARD STORIES

 

"Pearl Onions" by Alex Edwards new author - read by Dan Starkey

"Pilgrim's Trail" by Cecilia Maddison new author - read by Rose Biggin

"Certitude" by Scott Tierney - read by Silas Hawkins 

"Everybody Wants London" by Alix Owen - read by Ray Newe

"Brick by Brick" by MJ Lee - read by Nathan Unthank

PLUS

"A Game of Musical Souls" by Liam Hogan - read by Tony Bell

(Longlisted in Writers' & Artists' Short Story Competition 2025)

 

By Appointment by Lauren Van Schaik

Read by Lizzie Muncey

Daphne slammed “dial” the millisecond her clock flipped to 8am, and counted breaths as the call connected and the familiar robotic voice was patched in: “You’ve reached the Broad Street Surgery. Good luck!”

She couldn’t slow her speeding heart, imagining the thousands of other aspiring patients listening to the same menu. Mothers with spotted children, elderly folk who’d fallen and couldn’t get up, people anxiously rubbing suspicious lumps. Did she deserve an appointment more than them? She added tachycardia and poor self-esteem to the list of symptoms she maintained on her laptop. Yes, she fucking did deserve it.

 

A Covert Affair by Bronia Flett

Read by David Vickery

The house nestles on the cliff-side, tucked between ocean and pine forest. John stands on the doorstep, hands in pockets, watching the black shape crossing the sand far below. The shape moves closer, takes the form of a man.

For the first time in years, John craves a cigarette – if only to stop his teeth from chattering. The sun climbs in the sky but the sweat of exertion is cooling rapidly on John’s skin. He is too old. He shouldn’t have volunteered. He remembers the look that passed between his superiors, but in the end they’d all agreed.

It was John’s job to finish it.

He Brings Me Birds by Cheryl Powell

Read by Grace Cookey-Gam

My lover used to bring me birds. He caught them with his quick claws, pouncing and ripping off their heads with his sharp, feline teeth, their feathery bodies bleeding into the carpet. I felt triumphant, a queen. He just wanted to please me.

‘I love you,’ he purred and brushed against my legs, his fur soft as syrup. I looked at him then, lustfully, at his whiskers and claws, at the gliding machinery of his hips and spine, his innate desire to kill. I desired him as animal, and man. Both, at once.

 

We Have Nothing to Hide by Jennifer Gaboury

Read by Clareine Cronin

Hair of the dog, from a covert flask. Forty-seven minutes past the hour. The oven will ping merrily at any moment. He’ll stroll through the door beaming, stow his briefcase, peck my cheek, regale me with benign office gossip. I’ll reciprocate with a recitation of my day, which is every day.

And the G.O.D. will be pleased. And SIA will hibernate to conserve battery.

“Honey — ” Showtime. “I’m home!”

 

Gorgeous by Al Crow

Read by Patsy Prince

The first time I had sex in a bookshop was chance. I was downstairs with my boyfriend-at-the-time. He, Marcus, was into music memoirs. Tales of high-jinx and substance-abuse. The sort of thing this place kept in the basement. Anything that had been scrawled out on top of a guitar case by a real rocker. Not Moby, if you get me. Not Fat Boy Slim. This was the early 2000s, and like his heroes, Marcus thought himself a player. He was a fair bit older than my not-so-innocent twenty-five and he wore a leather jacket perpetually. In many ways, I was the product of my all-girl upbringing and that meant I was game. That’s what Marcus saw in me. A young woman with a manageable element of damage blended with a compulsion to rebel.

24 Ways to Leave your Lover by Andreas Paraskevaides

Read by Carrie Cohen

ONE Locate a dictionary. Open the dictionary. Flip the pages to the word “leave”. Follow instructions carefully.

TWO Enter a room and sit comfortably. Raise your hands in front of your face, palms up facing inwards. Cover both eyes fully. No peeking. When you hear your lover enter the room, maintain this posture and refrain from replying to your lover’s queries. You may sing a lullaby to yourself, provided you are familiar with one. If no lullaby comes to mind, you may sing the looping lyrics of your current earworm. In the unlikely scenario that no earworm is available, hum tirelessly and tunelessly. When your lover leaves the room, you have left your lover.

NEXT EVENT: Desire & Despair Valentine's Stories, Tue 11th Feb

 

Sorry folks - we are now technically SOLD OUT of seats for the show tonight!

 

However, if you're still keen to come along, there may be some standing room/extra fold-out chair tickets available on the door - but no more tables, apologies!

 

 

 

6.30pm (doors) for 7.30pm (show) at The Phoenix, 37 Cavendish Square W1G 0PP

 

Tickets £5: book here

 

The rollercoaster of love (& lust) takes you from the highest heights to the lowest depths, & there's a million stories along the way ... so in the run-up to Valentine's Day, we're bringing six of the best to the Phoenix basement stage, where they'll be performed by our fantastic actors.

 

Winning stories are announced below & feature medical dating, sexual surveillance, spies in (forbidden) love, banging in bookshops, tomcatting around & 24 ways to leave your lover. Heart's desire or hearts on fire, we'll see you there!

 

WINNING STORIES for DESIRE & DESPAIR

"Gorgeous" by Al Crow, read by Patsy Prince

"A Covert Affair" by Bronia Flett, read by David Vickery

"By Appointment" by Lauren Van Schaik, read by Lizzie Muncey

"He Brings me Birds" by Cheryl Powell, read by Grace Cookey-Gam

"We Have Nothing to Hide" by Jennifer Gaboury, read by Clareine Cronin

"24 Ways to Leave your Lover" by Andreas Paraskevaides, read by Carrie Cohen

 

DESIRE & DESPAIR

Stories of love, lust & low blows

is on TUESDAY 11th FEBRUARY

Tickets £5: 6.30pm doors, 7.30pm show

Downstairs at The Phoenix

37 Cavendish Square, London W1G 0PP 

Twitter / YouTube / Facebook / Podcast

 

Liars' League

www.liarsleague.com

Writers write. Actors read. Audience listens. Everybody wins.

 

 

OTHER 2025 THEMES

Fire up the laptop, crack out the notebook, scroll through your 3am story ideas & submit, because ALL our 2025 themes are open RIGHT NOW! From Risk & Reward to Haunted & Hunted, check them out below:

Stories of the Year: 2024, MVPs & HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Farewell, 2024 - it's been epic!

We read through hundreds of submissions, performed 34 of the best stories at six sensational events & gave out five(!) Most Valuable Player Awards - to actors Tony Bell & Gloria Sanders, & authors Lianne Warr, Charlotte Davis & Kathryn Sharpe (we're keeping your priceless prize mug safe for you, Kathryn ...) 

And now (drumroll please) the Liars have put their heads together to choose our Stories of the Year for 2024. These were the six stories that struck, surprised, shook & stayed with us, plus four more which made our Top Ten, & they are:

LIARS' LEAGUE'S BEST STORIES OF THE YEAR 2024*

"Thrill" by Georgina Sims, read by Gloria Sanders (Mix & Match, February)  

"I Fell in Love with my Documentary Crew" by David McGrath, read by the author (Dreams & Reality, April)

"We're All Here to Save the World" by Sarah Richardson, read by Magnus Rook (Dreams & Reality, April)

"Talons & Teeth" by Lizzie Muncey, read by the author (Women & Girls, September)

"Tiny Furies" by E. Ce Miller, read by Martine Richards (Women & Girls, September)

"Family Recipes" by Lisa Farrell, read by Gloria Sanders (Bell, Book & Candle, October)

Honourable Mentions

"Silver Lining" by Ricardo Visinho, read by Paul Clarke (Mix & Match, February)

"A Doll's Head in Hackney" by Kathryn Sharpe, read by Miranda Harrison (Women & Girls, September)

"Two Down" by Hannah Noyce, read by Kim Scopes (Bell, Book & Candle, October)

"Bag of Bones" by Angelita Lapuz Bradney, read by Margaret Ashley (Bell, Book & Candle, October)

Congratulations to all the authors, & the actors who so brilliantly brought their stories to life. Here's to more in 2025!

*listed in chronological order

Humbug by Ian Aikman

Read by Magnus Rook

My name is Tiny Tim and I hate Christmas. Now I know what you’re thinking: not so tiny any more! But, if you ask me, that nickname was always unfair. It started when I was eight years old — who isn’t tiny at that age?

It was my Uncle Scrooge who first called me that. He’s not my uncle, he’s my dad’s boss. And after eight years of not paying us enough to afford food, he rocked up on Christmas Day 1843 with the biggest turkey I’ve ever seen. That was a weird Christmas. Surely your dad’s boss is the last person you want to see curled up by the fire singing ‘Little Drummer Boy’.

Uncle Lewis by David Mathews

Read by Gloria Sanders

Dylan Thomas said, ‘There were always Uncles at Christmas. The same Uncles.’

‘Davy won’t want it green again, Cerys,’ says my Mam. ‘Yellow? You liked it when it was yellow, yes?'

‘And Uncle Lewis’s favourite,’ I say, all jolly. But Mam looks away quick, and I wish I’d shut up.

My Uncle Davy cooks. I don’t mean at home, where he does it all, Uncle Cledwyn being handless in the kitchen. I mean on Boxing Day at our place, where he mixes and bakes, marinades and roasts every mouthful we and my uncles eat. It is awesome. Mam and I scrub the kitchen spotless for him, and every few years we paint it.

Snowy by Jonathan Weil

Read by David Mildon

‘Snowy.’

The voice was right in his ear, snapping him out of the grey half-dreaming zone that he’d drifted into while walking. Her voice. It could have been a comment on the conditions – the snow, the moonlight, the country road flat white – but he knew better. She hadn’t called him Snowy in ages. The sound of it brought back a memory, years ago, curled up in her single bed in the Catford flat, she stroking his hair, Snowy … Snowy … Snoooowwwyyyy … softly, over and over. And then that little laugh she used to do: soft and private, barely exiting her body, sweet with tenderness and regret …

The Wreath Thief by Amy Eddings

Read by Tony Bell

It is December, the death-rattle of the year, and the weather grim and wild, as two bone-chilled travellers stumble into a lonely village tavern in search of rest, ale, and cheer. The Holly Inn is warm and dry, but also ancient and near-empty; a solitary old man mutters to himself beside the great open hearth. One traveller remarks quietly to the other that this would be a splendid place to set a ghost-story ...

Some Apology by Lianne Warr

Read by Paul Clarke

Look. I’ve had some time to think. And what it is … what it is, is that I don’t feel good about what I did, all right? I know it’s probably not enough, not now, not after all these years and everything that happened. Yet I have to say it, or I’ll never rest. I don’t think this is how an apology should be going, to be honest with you. It should be about you, shouldn’t it? Not about me unburdening myself. But isn’t that the point of apologies? To feel less rotten about oneself? Pretty selfish, come to think of it! How am I to know what this will do for you? It might make things worse, for all I know.