How to explain about Mr Funny? It's no easy task. Was Mr Funny a kind man? Was he a humanitarian man? Perhaps only in the sense that he'd sometimes talk about kidnapping our business rivals, putting them 'in a frikkin' hog oven', then serving them up with 'mash potatoes and apple sauce, the goddamn, ingrate, limey faggots.'
We are separated into lines and herded onto the ship two by two, like Noah’s animals. Only not to be saved: we are beyond redemption, they say. As we file below decks into the dark and stench of the hold, I am followed by the darting eyes and whispering voices of those who think they know my story. Who have read it in the penny bloods or heard it sung at Tyburn fair. I keep my head down and my shoulders hunched forward. I will myself to become invisible, as I once was.
Archaeologists, theologians, historical scholars and general religious freaks have eagerly awaited the release of writings found on a stone tablet recently unearthed near Mount Ararat. What follows is an exact translation plus or minus 20 percent for accuracy from some strange biblical language into Hebrew then into Turkish then into Greek (just for fun) and finally into English. The Stone Tablet’s heading, which was found to use the traditional Times New Roman font in bold, reads:
Morality Laws for Wild Animals Aboard Noah’s Ark aka: How to Survive 40 days and 40 nights without incurring the Wrath of God.
Grace McKenzie was born in Glasgow but now lives in London where she used to work in film and television. She once did a personality test which described her as a "moderately agreeable introvert".
An alarm pricked her to half-consciousness. It sounded like the school bell, but from a strangely muffled distance. The thought that she had fallen asleep in class skittered across Honor’s brain. But then a roaring took over: the memory-echo of a great smashing whirl, of earth upheaving, and the present cyclone of raging wind outside. Of wind inside.
Longtime contributors Niall Boyce, Jonathan Pinnock & Richard Smyth all have books out which you'd be well advised to buy, then read, then buy for others. All genres are catered for, from novels (Niall's Veronica Britton) and short stories (Jonathan's Dot Dash) to nonfiction (Richard's Bumfodder)
KATY LIAR'S DEBUT NOVEL
Liar Katy Darby's debut novel, a Victorian drama called The Unpierced Heart (previously titled The Whores' Asylum) is now out in Penguin paperback. It's had nice reviews in The Independent on Sunday, Sunday Times & Metro (4*).
OUR INTERVIEW WITH ANNEXE MAG!
They came, they saw, they asked us a bunch of interesting questions. Interview by Nick of Annexe Magazine with Katy of LL: here
