At 32 years old, Paul was proud to possess the following: 263 friends on Facebook; the kind of ginger hair that made women describe him as "cheeky"; a city job with a six figure bonus; a city flat with a roof terrace; an espresso machine he'd actually used once; a juicer he intended to use as soon as he remembered to buy some fruit; a fiancée who worked in an art gallery and wore Gucci; a mistress who was into bondage and didn't mind about the fiancée. His life was, in his opinion, pukka.
The group of singers needed practice. Charles always went flat. Edward forgot the words. And then there was Basil. Poor Basil.
All six of them stopped at the corner, shuffling and rubbing their arms to keep warm. The grey sky above London threatened snow. David set up the sandwich board which read 'Acapella Joy!' in red and green letters. They lined up on the curb: Chris, Gustav, and Edward in the back, being taller (though no less ugly) than Charles and Basil. David stood before them and counted out the rhythm, his hands waving in the air.
Season of goodwill? Don't get me started. Ho ho ho, as Santa might say.
I always suspected all that "naughty and nice" stuff was a racket. Aged eleven, I found out I was right. And trust me, the snow business is the dirtiest game in town.
It kicked off last Christmas Eve, when I woke to find my Dad sprawled on my bedroom floor, swearing. He'd tripped over my stocking, which I'd rigged with fishing-wire to make a Santa-trap. It was quite humane, but it was the last straw for him. He marched me downstairs and sat me at the kitchen table.
Longtime contributors Niall Boyce, Jonathan Pinnock & Richard Smyth all have books out which you'd be well advised to buy, then read, then buy for others. All genres are catered for, from novels (Niall's Veronica Britton) and short stories (Jonathan's Dot Dash) to nonfiction (Richard's Bumfodder)
KATY LIAR'S DEBUT NOVEL
Liar Katy Darby's debut novel, a Victorian drama called The Unpierced Heart (previously titled The Whores' Asylum) is now out in Penguin paperback. It's had nice reviews in The Independent on Sunday, Sunday Times & Metro (4*).
OUR INTERVIEW WITH ANNEXE MAG!
They came, they saw, they asked us a bunch of interesting questions. Interview by Nick of Annexe Magazine with Katy of LL: here
