Once upon a time, in a far-away desert kingdom, there lived a prince, the darling of his people: strong and tall, with skin golden as the shifting sands, and eyes black as the desert night. On his twenty-first birthday a magnificent feast was arranged, and chieftains and merchants and artists came many miles to honour their young lord.
The occasion was magnificent and the guests giddy with wonders, but as the prince entered the dining hall he gasped again. A beautiful woman stood before him, quite naked, quite still. She was the loveliest thing he had ever seen, and the strangest; for her smooth, slender body was glistening and transparent, as though made of the clearest glass.
George was hurrying down the stairs, checking he had his train ticket in his jacket pocket, when he realised his phone was missing.
He groaned and heaved his suitcase back up the three flights to his flat. This was all he needed – it was Christmas Eve, he was already running behind time, and if he missed the train back home, his parents would never let him forget it. He’d have to buy a new ticket and catch a later train, and would probably end up standing for most of the three-hour journey.
I guess it's that time again! Christmas greetings from the Palins, here in sunny Alaska!
Well now, 2009. It has been an eventful year for the Palin family. You know us, never a dull moment! But where to begin? With the man of the house, I reckon.
The group of singers needed practice. Charles always went flat. Edward forgot the words. And then there was Basil. Poor Basil.
All six of them stopped at the corner, shuffling and rubbing their arms to keep warm. The grey sky above London threatened snow. David set up the sandwich board which read 'Acapella Joy!' in red and green letters. They lined up on the curb: Chris, Gustav, and Edward in the back, being taller (though no less ugly) than Charles and Basil. David stood before them and counted out the rhythm, his hands waving in the air.
Season of goodwill? Don't get me started. Ho ho ho, as Santa might say.
I always suspected all that "naughty and nice" stuff was a racket. Aged eleven, I found out I was right. And trust me, the snow business is the dirtiest game in town.
It kicked off last Christmas Eve, when I woke to find my Dad sprawled on my bedroom floor, swearing. He'd tripped over my stocking, which I'd rigged with fishing-wire to make a Santa-trap. It was quite humane, but it was the last straw for him. He marched me downstairs and sat me at the kitchen table.
Before Christmas Mum took me up West. We went to Selfridges to try on the expensive perfumes, see if there were any freebies going. She walked around from counter to counter; I followed along behind.
“What do you think of that, Rae?” she asked, after she’d dabbed a bit on her wrist. I gave her my rating on a scale of one to ten, glad to be asked to help. We stopped by the Poison counter. Mum gasped. “I love this stuff!” she squealed, running her hand down the purple curved glass.
At 32 years old, Paul was proud to possess the following: 263 friends on Facebook; the kind of ginger hair that made women describe him as "cheeky"; a city job with a six figure bonus; a city flat with a roof terrace; an espresso machine he'd actually used once; a juicer he intended to use as soon as he remembered to buy some fruit; a fiancée who worked in an art gallery and wore Gucci; a mistress who was into bondage and didn't mind about the fiancée. His life was, in his opinion, pukka.
Liar Katy Darby's debut novel, a Victorian drama called The Whores' Asylum, was published by Fig Tree (part of Penguin) in February 2012. It's had some nice reviews in The Independent on Sunday, the Sunday Times and Metro so far.
SAMMY WINS THIRD IN BRIDPORT 2011
Congratulations to LL author Sammy Wright who came third in the prestigious Bridport Flash Fiction Prize 2011: he owes everything to Liars' League. Everything. Especially his first-born son ... More here
OUR INTERVIEW WITH ANNEXE MAGAZINE!
They came, they saw, they asked us a bunch of interesting questions. Interview by Nick of Annexe Mag with Katy of LL: here
